If your sex life feels a little on autopilot, a new position is one of the easiest changes to make. It needs no gear and no big production, just a bit of curiosity. Below are five positions for couples, from the face-to-face Lotus to the playful Reverse Cowgirl. Each one comes with setup steps, ways to make it easier, and signs it's not for you today.
These work for all kinds of couples and bodies. Where I say "penetrating partner", that can mean a penis, a strap-on, fingers or a toy. Most of these positions also work beautifully for grinding with no penetration at all.
Warm Up First
Any position feels better when both bodies are ready for it. Kissing, touch, massage and oral sex all build arousal, and arousal makes penetration more comfortable, so foreplay isn't really optional. Keep lube within reach. Water-based or silicone lube is safe with latex condoms. Oil-based products can weaken latex. If you're not fluid-bonded and tested together, use condoms or other barriers, including on shared toys.
The 5 Positions
1. Lotus
How: One partner sits cross-legged on the bed or floor. The other sits in their lap, facing them, and wraps their legs around their waist. You hold each other close and rock or grind together rather than thrust. It's slow, chest-to-chest and great for eye contact and kissing.
Make it easier: The seated partner can lean against a headboard with pillows behind them, or sit on a sturdy armless chair instead of crossing their legs.
Skip or adapt if: either of you has hip or knee pain. Try the chair version, or move on to Spooning.
2. Spooning
How: Both of you lie on your sides facing the same way, with the penetrating partner behind. The front partner bends their top knee slightly forward or rests it back over their partner's thigh to open the angle. Hands are free to roam, including toward the clitoris or penis.
Make it easier: Put a pillow under both heads and one between the front partner's knees if their hips ache.
Good to know: This is often the most comfortable choice when you're tired, have back pain or are pregnant, because nobody holds anyone's weight.
3. Butterfly
How: The receiving partner lies on their back with their hips right at the edge of the bed and lifts their legs, resting their ankles on the standing partner's shoulders or chest. The standing partner holds their thighs for stability. The angle allows deep penetration, so start shallow and slow.
Make it easier: If the bed is too low, slide a firm pillow under the receiving partner's hips. If it's too high, the other partner can kneel on a cushion instead. Tight hamstrings? Lower the legs to the partner's hips or let the knees bend.
Skip or adapt if: deep thrusts hurt (pain at the cervix is common in this angle), the receiving partner has lower-back trouble, or they're pregnant and lying flat on their back feels uncomfortable or dizzying.
4. Rider on Top (Cowgirl)
How: One partner lies on their back. The other kneels astride their hips, facing them, and controls the depth, speed and angle. Leaning forward onto the hands gives more clitoral contact. Sitting upright gives a deeper feel.
Make it easier: Put a pillow under the lying partner's head for eye contact, and kneel on a soft surface. If thighs tire, lean forward and let the bottom partner do some of the moving.
Skip or adapt if: kneeling hurts the rider's knees. Switch to Lotus on a chair instead.
5. Reverse Cowgirl
How: Same setup as Rider on Top, but the rider faces the lying partner's feet. They can lean forward with their hands on their partner's shins or lean back with their hands on the bed. Full details are in our guide to the Reverse Cowgirl.
Make it easier: Move slowly at first and keep the motion close rather than lifting high.
Skip or adapt if: the penis keeps slipping out. Coming down hard at the wrong angle can bend an erect penis painfully, and in rare cases injure it. Any sudden pain, a snapping sound or swelling means stop and get medical care right away.
Adding Light Restraint Safely
Some couples like adding a blindfold or wrist restraints to a familiar position. If you're curious about bondage, a few ground rules keep it fun:
- Agree before, not during. Talk about what's on the table, what isn't, and how long the restraint will stay on.
- Set a safe word. The traffic-light system is easy: "red" means stop right now, "yellow" means slow down or check in. Add a nonverbal signal, like three taps or dropping a held object, in case talking is difficult.
- Choose quick-release gear. Cheap metal novelty handcuffs can tighten on their own, and their keys are easy to lose. Padded cuffs with Velcro or quick-release buckles are a better start. Keep the key or a pair of safety shears within reach.
- Watch circulation. Tingling, numbness, cold or discolored hands mean you release at once. Never put anything around the neck.
- Stay present. Never leave a restrained person alone, even briefly. Skip restraint if either of you is drunk or high.
- Check in more with a blindfold. Your partner can't read your face, and you can't fully read theirs.
When a Position Isn't for You
Pain is a signal, not something to push through. Stop or switch if anything hurts, cramps or makes you feel lightheaded. During pregnancy, many people find lying flat on their back uncomfortable from the second trimester on. Side-lying (Spooning) or the pregnant partner on top usually works better. Check with your midwife or doctor if you've been told to avoid sex. With back, hip, knee or shoulder issues, pick the positions that keep weight off the sore spot, and use pillows freely. Props aren't cheating.
Talking About It
Trying something new works best as a shared idea, not a surprise. Suggest it outside the bedroom ("I read about this, want to try it?"), and treat "no" or "not yet" as a full answer. Either of you can stop or change course at any point, even mid-position. Afterward, chat about what felt good and what you'd tweak. That conversation often brings you closer than the position itself.
FAQ
Do we need to try all five?
No. Even one new position you both enjoy is a win. Treat the list as a menu, not homework.
What if a position feels awkward the first time?
That's normal. Bodies need a few tries to find the angle. Laugh about it, adjust a pillow, or come back to it another night.
Can same-sex couples use these positions?
Yes. Every position here works with fingers, toys, a strap-on or grinding, so it isn't limited to penis-in-vagina sex.
